Attacked!

My heart, and prayers go out to the children, families, and school staff involved in the Newtown Massacre. Just as importantly, I am touched by Adam Lanza, and his family. My heart and prayers have their space for those two as well. All of this news is sad, yes. Depressing, we all can agree. The thought of little children, who didn't get a chance at a future is enough to upset my sense of peace. Just as upsetting, is a young man with Aspergers who we've lost, who didn't get the chance to learn how to express himself.

I feel attacked. Very attacked by what has happened in the Newtown community, and the victims. I'm attacked by the news anchors consistently showing it. I feel attacked by the mental health specialists on Dr. Oz and on the news.

I, myself have high functioning Classical Autism, and all of this is an overwhelming trip back home to me. I wasn't at all involved in the Massacre, but the feelings going through my mind today suggested that I may as well have been.

They way Lanza is depicted in the news brings back all sorts of memories of my own life. I can also imagine what may have gone on in his head, his thoughts, and what pure torment has done to drive him to this point of rage. This brilliant young man, full of potential, had a variety of reasons to feel hopeless, like he could give up.

Yet, this entire incident attacks mine, and the reputation of other Autistic individuals.

I feel attacked, because that could have been any of us. Like Cho, and Holmes, he likely committed suicide because he couldn't bare the thought of having done something so extreme.

Who wants that on their hearts?

This was an eye opener, for how truly vulnerable we are to such an experience:
To being exposed, shut out by society, eventually crying out.

I say it again. I feel terribly attacked because its like all of my vulnerabilities were flashed before me. I was once again reminded of the negative stereotype that looms to attack the very core of my being.