I remember the days of my freshman year fondly, as I was
exploring more of what it meant to be Autistic.
I was fresh out of high school, where I was taught to be
ashamed of having Autism. Toward graduation, I’ve made frequent visits to the
library to chat on Autism forums. Through this, I got the opportunity to learn
about an entirely different world out there that respected Autism, and its
gifts. I took in the experiences and perspectives of other members, who
expressed their feelings and pride of being Autistic. Learning more about the
symptoms, and thinking patterns helped me to have a better understanding of why
social situations occurred in the way they did, and why I responded the way I
did.
Taking all of this in, having Autism became an identity I
was increasingly proud of. So much so,
that when I moved off to college, I was excited to educate my classmates, and
my extended family.
One particular situation stands out in mind, to this day!
I was visiting my Aunt and Uncle, who I didn’t know too well
at the time, but was interested in getting to know. Upon talking with my aunt about an episode on
Dr. Phil, I mentioned to her that I had Autism. I began explaining to her when
I was diagnosed, and how Autism has impacted my life. Once I was honest enough to say that it is a
large part of why I am so driven, focused, and detail oriented, she attacked
back as though she was offended. She
fired at me that I was “making excuses, and was just being manipulative”….that
I was just a “manipulative child” According to her, since I am “in college,
graduating with high grades, etc…..then there is NO WAY I can ever be autistic”,
I was just “manipulative”. I wish I can claim that this is an exaggeration of
her response, but I can’t. This is how our conversation went and ended.
First off, how can she claim a character flaw in me when she
barely even KNOWS me? Was there a chance she took offense to the way I came off
explaining how Autism is who I am? I take great offense to being accused of
using a disability as to manipulate people. If you ask me, throughout my life,
I was always on the receiving end of manipulation. Proof that she knows not
where I’ve come from. Honestly, how can a CHILD be manipulative? I mean, I’ve
heard and seen children be manipulative to authority figures, but it is a
concept that I absolutely CANNOT relate to, because I was never that type of
child. And to suggest that I am using a label to manipulate people all of my
life, is just utterly ridiculous. I told grandma the story, and she asked a
good question: “who would I be trying to manipulate”.
Similar reactions came from my uncle as well.
In the older generations, I am of the understanding that lack of
awareness, and more stigmas were accompanied with any type of disability.
Autism was quite unknown to the population. I do understand that perhaps people
were afraid of labeling their loved ones, because of stigmas attached. However,
in this case, I can’t help but wonder if there was some element of projection
on the part of my aunt. My aunt is the type of person who is very “street smart”,
and could tell that I wasn’t. While lack of understanding is very possible, and
even present; an extreme reaction like that suggests to me that it is possible
that others could be intimidated, envious, or even scared of people who proudly
claim their Autism.
In this case, I say older generations need to be more open
to the fact that one can be disabled and successful, AND have legitimate
differences that need to be accommodated for.
The biggest reason I was offended, was because of the
premise of her thinking. Let’s organize this for a second: I am apparently
making excuses, being manipulative, and there is NO WAY I can be autistic or
have legitimate differences (despite having explained the intense focus it
gives me), all because I attend college, and manage to be successful in life.
That very thinking is the same way of telling me I am a
fraud. Autism, being the essence of who I am, doesn’t exist in your mind. This
is the same way of telling me I don’t exist, and that my very existence is just
an excuse and a fraud. That is what that is like saying. To suggest that it’s
just manipulation is to say that my entire life and sense of being is lie. To not
even challenge, and DENY my identity is something I take great offense to. There is a difference between people who
genuinely misunderstand, are willing to learn and the people who refuse to
learn, yet insist that you are the one who is in the wrong for proudly
proclaiming your identity.
It takes a special kind of mindset to be content with this
type of reaction, and behavior. I would be concerned, and question the Autistic
Pride of those who allow others to deny their identity.
